business as usual

Today is business as usual Hannah has school, lots of laundry, dishes to wash, diapers to change and kids to feed. I actually was really excited at lunch today. Our cabinets are really bare, but I still try really hard to feed the kids something healthy. So we had whole wheat pasta with butter and parmesan cheese and I also wanted a vegetable or fruit. So I found a bag of frozen green beans that I would usually put in a casserole. I steamed the green beans mixed them with a little butter. I have decided that butter can make anything taste good these days. Well to my surprise the kids LOVED the green beans and wanted more. I have a smile on my face today. I just hope I have the same luck at dinner time.

So today God with the assistance of Beth Moore filled my mind with strength and drive. As I was reading my Bible along with my study the words started to jump off the page and into my life as if the book was written just for me. Have you ever been reading the Bible and you start to wonder what God’s opinion is on this story? God never interrupts He just keeps telling the story. As I was thinking about this it started to flood into my thoughts about my own life. Why had God lead Brian to the job with ABC and put the calling on his heart if the door wasn’t going to open? Or why didn't he close the door with a 'No.We filled the position'.? I just want to stomp my feet and scream like a 2 year old. Just as I was about to throw the book on the floor and become busy with the chores of life I read this sentence, “God sometimes allows our confusion to coax us into further study of the entire Word.” (Beth Moore, Esther) Many times I feel like it should be okay for me to lay down and just cry that this isn’t fair and why do I have to go through this, but really it is such an honor that the Lord would want to use my life and spend this intimate time with me. It is during the times you walk in the deep valleys that you really grow in your faith. It is funny I told a friend the other day that God is the only thing holding me up right now. He is my strength and helps me with every move. It is amazing to trust so much that you hand your entire life over to Him. Although it is important for me to remind myself that no matter how serious my pursuit of God and godliness I will never be perfect. Lately, I feel like Satan is just knocking on my door. I can hear the knocking but I don’t even want to look through the peep hole because I don’t know if I will have the strength or what if it put a crack in the relationship of the Lord that is holding me up. So I just pray that God will put a shield of protection around our family.

It is amazing to me that I can keep learning more and more about life everyday. I feel like we have been through so many intense trials recently that what could possibly be between the Lord and me? But everyday he continues to open my eyes. Thank you that we have such a patient and loving teacher.

So I wrote the above portion this afternoon and now I am stopping by to share that the Lord once again is showing me that we still aren't close enough. I went out to run an errand without the kids. Yippee. Freedom. So I drove Brian's car because it is better on gas and no car seats. So I run the errand and I am so excited I bought a container of mint chocolate chip ice cream for the kids which will be a HUGE treat. I can't wait to get home and see the look on their faces. Recently, Brian taught the kids that dessert is a very special treat and sometimes we do not have enough money to buy treats. So I throw the bag in the back seat, put the key in the ignition, and NOTHING! So I quickly reassure myself that I must of forgotten to do something. So like any girl I start with what I think might be wrong. Is the steering wheel locked, did I put the car in park, maybe I should try getting out and back in again? So nothing is working. The remote won't even lock the doors... so I make the official decision the battery is dead. I make the dreaded phone call, "Hi Honey, you are not going to believe what I am about to tell you... ah... the car won't start I think the battery is dead." Brian had the typical man response, I guess you must have left the lights on or something (truth is I have done this before.) He comforted me and told me he would get the kids ready and loaded and be out to rescue me. He arrived with a smile and a kiss. It took a while to jump the car, which I thought was strange, but Brian didn't seem to think so. Therefore, I drive the car around and drive home trying to charge the battery I guess, but I did notice that every time I used my turn signal all the lights would start to flicker and get very dim. YIKES! So I make it home safe and leave the car running. Brian went out shortly after to check the car and it had turned itself off. We finally jump the car again with a lot of extra finesse and Brian drives over to Advanced Auto Zone and they test the battery and said the battery was good. Uh oh! So they give him another jump and the car in now stuck in front of the house. We can't drive it because it won't start again. So while Brian is out taking care of the car issue I open the mail. Does anyone else hate opening the mail? As a young woman I was always running to the mailbox and couldn't wait to see if one of the letters in the box was for me. Now anything in the mailbox for me is just a bill. Yuck! I think we should all make a deal to start letter writing to each other so we can all look forward to mail again. So as I open the bills I get to the hospital bill.... $650. OUCH!! At first I thought I might cry and then I just started to laugh. A dear friend of mine always teaches me to walk through the situation... what is the worst thing that can happen and what do we do if it does. So I decide the worse case is that I get sent to collections and if that is the case then maybe I should witness to the agent that calls. Can you imagine? I think the call would sound something like this: You owe us money. I respond with I know I want to pay you but I don't have the money. Really I just need to pray, would you pray with me? Because really God has the money to pay this bill if he so desires. So we really need to start praying. It would be really awesome if they came to know the Lord through the experience. At last I would have an answer to why this is all necessary. Sorry I know I am off rambling again, but thank you for all the prayers and support. It really does mean more than I can express with words!!