no bedtime

Tonight I just had to write. I am just feeling so happy and so blessed. I got a great night of sleep last night!! Then I got out of bed and started my day. It was a bit of a difficult morning. I have a dear friend who is going through some difficult times and I so badly want to have words. Do you ever sit there and think "I have NO idea" you don't even know if you should nod your head or just cry with them. I spent most of the morning just praying about the situation and I am asking for you to do the same. There are so many women out there that are having a tough day and most of the time we don't even have a clue.

When I arrived home this afternoon I was greeted by little Miss Hannah Grace who had "been sleeping for a hundred hours and really wanted to cuddle with Momma on the couch." Could you say no to a request like this? So I enjoyed some girl time. I cannot believe how fast they grow! I just hope that it is always cool to cuddle with Mom and watch a girly movie. While I am thinking about Hannah I have to share the comment she made the other day. I picked her up from school on Monday and she as usual she was talking a mile a minute. She was telling me that everyone thought her outfit was so cute. One of the boys in the class brought a snack and she liked it. Then she was just on fire for the Lord. She had so many things to tell me about Jesus and how he died for us and that is why we need to say "Happy Resurrection Day!" to everyone. Before I knew it she had moved to the topic of Heaven, "Momma, do you know what the BEST part of going to heaven is?" I had no time to respond she had already moved on to the answer, "You get to stay awake ALL the time. You never nap and no one has a bedtime." Alright that is great... not really I quickly thought to myself "Lord you had better change my heart before I get there because I was really hoping for an uninterupted night of sleep." I just love listening to them talk.

Tonight we had Awana Club and it was great! Carter is always a little stinker about drop off, but he has a blast and wants to spend the rest of the night in his Puggles shirt. After the kiddos went to bed Brian and I watch a movie. It was one of those nights where I found myself looking at him and thinking I love you more today then ever before. It really wasn't anything special. We were just sitting on the couch being silly and eating BBQ chips- a must have for the cravings this week. Anyway I decided I should write this down because you never know what tomorrow will unfold . Right? I am so grateful to have such a supportive and loving husband that provides BBQ chips whenever I need them.

I hope that you have a blessed night. As I sneak off to get another restful (I hope) night of sleep... I want to challenge you to find something small that you are so grateful for, that you can't help but smile when you think about it. I would love it if you would share!!

a fast 2 days

Over the past two days I have been on a crazy emotional and physical roller coaster ride. So I must share that I am so exhausted my face may hit the keyboard at any moment. As I shared in my last post it started with huge PRAISES!! Right after the ultrasound we headed out for the homicide trial. We dropped the kids off with a friend. The kids were so happy they asked when we were leaving for the hotel. Where is the love?! We have been so blessed with some awesome friends! Next, my wonderful husband surprised me with a stay at a bed and breakfast. It was so perfect! We even got to pick the room we wanted to stay in. After unloading our stuff we went out to a nice dinner and I was able to talk through all the information I would been questioned on tomorrow. We did find some time to remember the last 5 years of our marriage too. It was so amazing to have so time away from the kiddos. We went back to the bed and breakfast and enjoyed a night by our little flickering fire place. It is sorta funny to think that the courts paid for our anniversary celebration. That night I didn't sleep a wink. I remember looking at the clock at 1:21A and closing my eyes and thinking that I had at least slept an hour or so. As I opened one eye to glance at the clock it read, 1:24A. I wanted to scream. I was feeling anxious, Brian was snoring (which he never does but his allergies were horrible and we didn't have his medication.), I could hear noises in our room, the sheets just didn't smell like home, and I just had a lot on my mind. So I spent a good part of the night just praying, thinking about sleeping in the bath tub (which would eliminate the snoring), and just watching the clock. I felt like I was watching a pot of water boil. It just would not start moving. I even got out of bed to get my mobile phone and make sure the hotel clock was working. So finally at 4:30A I decided to get up and start my day. 7A we went down to a table set for 2 and our breakfast fresh on the table. I was in heaven... I cannot remember the last time I ate a hot breakfast. Our drive to the courthouse was interesting as it was snowing and the traffic was horrendous. We arrived and I felt my stomach turn. First, I met with the attorneys to go over some questions. I just felt like my heart was racing... what were they going to ask me? What was I going to say? What was the courtroom going environment going to be like? Before I knew it I was outside the courtroom on a hard wooden bench. My butt kept falling asleep... it was not an ideal waiting area. So as I waited I pulled out... GUESS... Beth Moore. As usual it started to speak... "We tend to detach from sights and situations that make us feel badly about ourselves - especially when we feel powerless." This quote just captured my emotions as I sat clutching my study book with sweaty hands. I felt like I just wanted to run out of the court house and never think about it again. Then, I realized that I didn't sign up to live an easy life... I decided I wanted a purposeful one instead. I knew what I knew and no one could change that. I prayed for confidence and the words I needed. Thank you to all of you who were also praying!!! Our prayers were answered. I was the second witness to be called. I felt so nervous and uncomfortable I felt like I wanted to start giggling. Have you ever been in the most serious, scary place and all you felt like doing is belting out into a belly laugh? Thank God I did not laugh or even smile for that matter. The questioning went well... the defense was really tough on me, but I took it slow. I felt as if the entire courtroom could hear my knees as they were knocking behind the witness stand. It is an overwhelming experience. I was on the stand for about 30 minutes and was free to leave after I finished. As I walked out of that courtroom I felt like I just wanted to shake like a wet dog and let my stress just float off my shoulders. God has answered so many prayers... the baby, my testifying is over, and next Brian got an email about a possible job.


So afterward we went to pick up our kiddos and drive home. It was a REALLY long drive. The kids were screaming or as I like to refer to it as singing loudly. I just wanted to get home and crawl into bed!! I finally got the kids to bed, but I just had to share a little something before my head hit my pillow for eternity or so I am dreaming. Thank you again to all of you that have been praying for me!!

news from the road

This will be a short post as I am typing on the tiny keys of the blackberry as we race down the turnpike. This morning we had a huge answer to prayer, glory be to God! I went for my ultrasound this morning with Brian. I felt so anxious I just wanted to burst out and ask if the placenta had moved. Although I was able to keep quiet and after watching the baby sucking its fingers I had totally forgotten until the doctor said, "the placenta previa was gone. The placenta had totally moved." At that point I wanted to say told you so, as this was the doctor that told me that it wasn't going anywhere. However, God had already worked on that relationship. As this doctor walked in I took a deep breath and decided to start fresh and start a conversation. It was awesome because the doctor was actually pleasant this time. The baby, who I like to call hiccup, is doing great! Praise God.

On another note please be in prayer for me tomorrow as I go to testify in the homicide case. I feel confident in my statement but very nervous to face the defendant.

In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will. Ephesians 1:11

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:13

Control Freak?

Do you ever feel like you are trying to guess what the Lord is working in your life? This has been a very difficult weekend for me. On Friday I woke up with a horrible migraine, but I went forward with my morning and had a great time at MOPS. When I got home I started to listen to the Beth Moore Audio for the Esther study. During the lesson she was telling a story about a woman that lost 2 of her children and she shared how the woman just cried out "why Lord, why? This is too much. too much. too much." I couldn't help but start crying myself and feeling the same way about my life right now. I have so much to be grateful for: 3 healthy kids, an amazing husband, rent this month, grocery money (thanks to everyone who helped out on this one), the greatest friends and the list goes on. But at the same moment, I am saying "this is TOO MUCH Lord!" Without the Lord holding me up and giving me every last breath I feel like I will fall to the ground. I have to add that I just love Beth Moore as I can go from sobbing to laughing my head off. Later in the session Beth quoted another woman saying" It is tough being a woman because of the hormones. You yell at those you love and cry for a stranger in a commercial." Moreover, after finishing a few hours with Beth Moore I tried the whole getting down on my knees thing again. I must admit that it was just as emotional as the first time. tears. snot. and all the beauty that goes along with pouring your guts out. It is at that moment that you feel the snot pouring over your lips that you think, please don't let anyone see me or ring the door bell. As I lay with my head over my lap I cried out for the Lord to answer my prayers and give us direction by the end of the day... nothing like giving God a deadline. I did also pray that if it wasn't his will I would settle for comfort and strength instead. Is anyone else laughing... I have decided that I will come up with my own negotiations with the Lord. I have to admit that I'm desperate for the Lord to give me that clear direction. I also continue to pray that He will make clear if I should move forward with my ultra sound on Monday.

So now it is Saturday night and I have received so many notes asking what is going on... any news? I feel like I don't even have the strength to reply. I just want to say No it was another day of rejection and mystery. So no at the end of the day I no clear direction for our future, BUT because of all the unknown direction I feel the Lord saying, "Nancy, put your trust in Me and I will provide for the ultra sound. Stop trying to make your own plans." Has anyone noticed that I'm a control freak yet? I like my shirts to be folded just so, I want the dishes in the dish washer to go in size order, and I like to plan ahead. Although I don't think I did much planning when it came to family size. Whoops. Missed that one. I have handed over my life and I have that comfort and strength, but it is really easy for Satan to sneak in and grab hold as I'm going through the bills. I sit here and think... there is NO WAY to pay all the bills... we are going to be evicted and bankrupt by the end of the month. STOP! That is Satan trying to crack into the thoughts in my head once again. Some how God has provide every month and I am still at awe wondering how this all worked out this far?!

So I am totally exhausted as I sit here my eyes are starting to close and my head is starting the nod. So I am sad to say I need to go to bed, but I just had to write and let you know that I am still here and kicking... just NO STINKING NEWS! Maybe tomorrow!

Colossians 1:10-12

¹⁰And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully ¹²giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.